| | it's been awhile since I've last written. maybe it's a lack of time. a lack of sanity. who knows, but on the cusp of a new year, it's a good time to reflect as so many do. but this won't be a list of shortcomings, of things to improve, more just a reflection of the better understanding of myself I have developed this year.
It's been a big year.
graduating
moving
falling in love
moving again
maintaining friendships
new jobs
responsibilities
it's been nuts, and it's flown by. I think I've come a long way. I'm still not the man I want to be, still working on improving myself but I think that this year, while not being a year of improvement, has been a year of contemplation, of deeper understanding and honing the image that I set my eyes upon for future improvements.
recently I have realized this; I'm a liberal, not so much in that I support the democratic party like the word would normally be used, but in the true sense of change. Of wanting to evoke change and accept change and I see the good change can bring. I just moved into a new apartment. It's an old warehouse building and my apartment is what would be called a "loft." A "raw space to do with whatever we please" as my now roommate once told me about it. It's nice. well it's a bit messy but I like it like that. But when I sit here, up in my bedroom above the bathroom, I stare out at the space and I begin to picture what I would do with it. What changes do I want to make...what else can be done with it. and I realize that I do this exact thing with so many parts of my life. When working at the coffee shop in college, I would have time to sit and chat with my co-workers and we would discuss new arrangements of furniture, or what we would change if we owned the place. I do this a lot. I just don't always like to accept things as they are. It's not that I don't think things are perfect or that I always see the downfalls in situations and people, it's that I always, always see the potential for better, or for improvements.
The comfort I get from this part of my mind is that I rarely am just ready to scrap it all and find something else. When I have difficulties at work, I rarely just put in my two weeks and go looking for something easier. Moving out of my first apartment here wasn't because of one incidence or done quickly. I thought about moving a few months in and stuck around for five. When I see potential it's not like envisioning a new landscape, a new situation all together. It's that I can see that the hard times, the rough edges that can cut so easily are either there to be gone through and smoothed over, or dealt with. Seeing the potential in the future and setting my eyes upon it is what gets me through the rough times.
As usual I doubt this really makes sense to anyone outside of my self, but I put it out there anyway.
I guess I just see a society that when their car doesn't want to start on the first try, they are ready to buy a new place. When the faucet in the kitchen drips, they decide it's time to move. But I refuse to yield to this mentality. I may not like the cards dealt to me, but I am thoroughly enjoying the game and know that after this hand, comes another, and another and a trio of aces waits in the deck to be dealt to me soon.
so in the new year, I plan to battle on. Will this year be spent in constant good times? probably not, but the good things combined with the potential will make it all worth it.
hope you're year was good and the next has the potential to be amazing. amazing in the most indescribable and indefinable way.
take care of you
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| | Posted 12/31/2007 3:08 PM - 94 Views - 6 eProps - 3 comments
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